So I was talking to a girl and pretending to be emo about the fact that I am single. Truly, I enjoy the single life, but it is fun to mess with people. So Adam sent me the following text:

"Throw in a twist: a promising relationship ended with slashed tires."

To which I replied:

"The tires could be a metaphor for my heart."

This resulted in Adam producing an epic rant about how my heart is like a tire. This is what was said:

"The spokes of the wheel striking a parallel to the grasp she had on your heart and how it wouldn't let go: the grip was too strong. Then one day she spun you right around and the grip was cast aside and you went careening into another vehicle and your entire life is now in disarray. So after this dreadful accident you've been scarred for life and nothing anybody can say or do will mend these broken limbs: the outreach you offered to her in times of despair. But now you're out for revenge because the hubcap that captured her heart has set aflame an explosive within you. You'll surely steal and hit him with a hammer. You'll bend him into a shape so unappealing that she'll come running back to you because of your macho rubber figure. And by the end of it all, you, good sir, will not be the fifth wheel."

http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/profile/justin_ator/thought/184689/